Living Quietly

What do I know.

I always feel I live clumsily. Clumsy is the word. I suppose.

I thought I would learn by age. When I get older, I would eventually understand the meaning of all these and find a way to live.

I am 29.

I often talk about my older age with certain romanticism. An age when you are wiser and more content. You have done whatever you want to do, and you live quietly, examine your own past. You would be more at ease with yourself. And also with the rest of your own kind.

Now I realize it doesn't work that way. I doubt if I would ever learn more by age. I could imagine I am still clumsy and awkward, even when I get older. Perhaps even more so when I get older.

I would like to make a film about aging, or about living. In fact, more about living than aging.

If "A Tree in tanjung Malim" is a fictional autobiography of my youth. "Living Quietly" is a fictional autobiography of my older age.

Maybe the idea seems meaningless, to imagine one's older age. Maybe the film is a bit pointless. But maybe meaningless and pointless is the way to live.

What do I know.

- Tan Chui Mui

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