Liew Seng Tat writes:

Bonjour,

It's the time of the year again... Paris is fully decorated with lights. All these colourful blinking lights don't make any difference if you are those people sleeping on the sidewalks in cold winter's days. Christmas makes lonely people even more lonelier. I do not celebrate Christmas and I certainly do not need to use Christmas as an excuse to get drunk, get laid, get trashed, get crabs, get STD and get laid again with STD. I do it everyday.

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Bonjour,

I went to a boulangerie(bakery) yesterday and wanted to buy a loaf of French bread called 'baguette'. For those who don't know how a baguette looks like, just imagine a gigantic brown dildo with a hard and dry scurfy surface(It is so hard that it can break a baby's neck). If you don't know how a dildo looks like... here, see below.

Yes, this is a dildo. Most of the ladies use it wrongly. They put it on their lips. They should put it in their mouths.

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Leg contributed by Saxon Chong. Illustration by Liew Seng Tat.

What would a leg do without a man?

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Bonjour my dear readers!

I'm in Belfort for the past two days. I'm writing to you in the toilet of my hotel room. That's right, I'm using wifi. Wifi allows you to connect to the internet in any corners of your life, even when you are in the coffin. Wifi also allows you to connect to the internet in any sexual positions you are in, even when you are doing the "Crotching Tiger, Hitting Dragon" position in 12x speed.

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Bonjour!

Damn, I missed my French lesson again coz I was away in Thessaloniki, Greece.

Flower In The Pocket and one of my short films, "Man In Love" were playing in a film festival there. The film festival was very well attended. Both of my screenings were packed.

1. The audience in one of my screenings before the show started. 2. I was bullshitting my way in the Q&A session.

The festival areas used to be a port. They have some of their cinemas built in the warehouses. It's kind of romantic to have a film festival by the sea, overlooking the horizon with some ships in the far distance. Once, I swear I saw a mermaid waving at me between the ships...

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